Note: + Indicates Character survives; # Indicates character dies
Clara Richards-Valdar (Madilyn Rhue) – Solo’s ex-flame. He clearly still cares about her.
Emil (Jacques Aubuchon) – Gypsy leader
Stephan Valdar (Kurt Krueger) – Betrays the gypsies to save himself and Clara
Colonel Morisco (Alan Caillou) – corrupt head of police
Lieutenant Fest (Michael Forest)
Major Vicek (Albert Paulsen)
Clara is Napoleon’s old flame, whom he hasn’t seen for seven years
UNCLE agents are helped greatly by IK's knowledge of gypsies.
In the Balkans: Emil, Gypsy leader, is helped to hide from police by Clara Valder. She sends him back to his people—she’ll find some help.
Rome: NS & a very skinny IK are on vacation, tramping around Rome on Napoleon’s quest for the perfect veal parmesan. NS: “Believe me, this man [the chef] does not cook food, he makes love to it.” IK: “They should put people like that in asylums, not restaurants.” They pass some gypsies. The Razni (?) Gypsies, from the Albanian border, IK pronounces. He recognizes the signet ring, the Eagle of Schtaperia (?). NS: “You know, your stock of obscure miscellaneous information never ceases to amaze me.” A moment later they are beset by these very gypsies.
Clara Valdar, an old love of Napoleon’s, appears in a doorway and drags the agents into a room to ask for help. (She telephoned NS’s apartment and found out he was vacationing in Rome.) The gypsies work for her and her husband, Stephan on their sheep farm in Terbuf. Emil, head gypsy, got some documents showing that Colonel Morisco, head of the secret police, has been stealing foreign aid money. Now he’s after Emil, and Clara promised to help.
Clara: “Napoleon, a long time ago, your work drove us apart. Now it’s brought me back to you. Please help me.” NS says he’ll go to Terbuf. IK: “We’re due back in America the day after tomorrow.” NS: “All right. Tell Mr. Waverly I missed the plane.” IK: “Let’s send him a telegram. I have a feeling you’re going to need me.” He watches disapprovingly as Clara expresses appreciation. “Yes, you’re going to need me.”
Back home, Stephan berates Clara for trying to help the Gypsies. She tells him they have to take risks if they’re going to live with any self respect.” Next we see Stephan reporting all this information to Colonel Morisco. He offers to deliver Emil and the documents in exchange for them leaving Clara alone, and never finding out he’s involved.
Morisco doesn’t like Stephan’s scheme. He arrests Stephan and substitutes Major Vicek to take his place and set a trap…for Emil and the American spy.
NS arrives in Terbuf and meeets Vicek posing as Stephan. He says he says Clara was afraid he’d take a dislike to Stephan on emotional grounds. Vicek says, surely you’re a most reasonable man. NS: “No, not really. I always find reason so misleading.” Vicek & Clara tell Solo nobody knows where Emil is. They act surprised when NS claims that the stench of the secret police surrounds the train station. Vicek sends NS to a Gypsy bar in town: Café Flora.
NS goes for a walk and is followed by a secret policeman, whom he knocks out with a karate chop to the back of the neck. We see him pulling the man’s boot and then a minute later loading some things into a makeshift sack made from the man’s pants, just as IK pulls up in a fishing boat.
IK: “There’s a look on your face that wasn’t there before. What’s she been saying to you.” NS says Stephan (Vicek) is smug. IK says he’ll go try to smooth the things away with the gypsies. IK: “Don’t think too much about what might have been. Things are what they are. She is married.” NS: “Yeah, I noticed that.”
IK visits the gypsies and greets them in (Romanian?). He shows them the eagle signet and claims to be one of them, which he proves by chugging half a bottle of slivovitz. He asks for Emil. They are suspicious. He spins a tale about his father being a Razni (?) and shows off his medallion. He asks them to let Emil talk to the American who will come. They say yes.
Outside IK is stopped by soldiers who ask for his papers. They take his knife and his cigarettes. He wants them back. They decide to teach him a lesson, but he’s a fast learner. He beats them up instead.
IK shows up at Café Flora looking for Emil. They jump him. He lodges a complaint with IK for failing to smooth the way with his friends. IK chuckles: “Oh really? How annoying.” He goes over and breaks NS out of the Gypsy cellar, but the two of them decide to have a snack and wait for Emil.
Emil shows up (incognito). They offer to take him out on the fishing fleet during full daylight. Rendezvous at Clara’s house.
Clara and Vicek chat. She’s worried about Stephan. “Why did you have to beat him?” Vicek: “There’s nothing so constant as the philosophy of terror.” He warns her to behave. A Gypsy brings the message to Clara that they’re bringing Emil to her house. She reminds Vicek that NS and Stephan are both to be allowed to go free. He ignores her.
Back at the Café, soldiers come into the café. One of them is half-gypsy. He tells them that there’s a political prisoner in the cells who claims to be Stephan Valdar. NS goes to Clara. He sends IK to break Stephan out of jail. They don’t know it’s the real Stephan. When he gets to Clara’s house, he finds Vicek safe and sound. Vicek claims he was arrested and let go. NS isn’t buying.
IK tells the truth to Emil- he bough the Eagle in a shop in rome. Emil thinks that’s pretty funny, but is glad he told the truth. IK: “A lie is sometimes more helpful, as every Gypsy knows.”
IK, Emil, and the Gypsies spring the real Stephan Valdar, who runs off. He lets NS know via boat. NS realizes Vicek is a member of the secret police. He tells IK and Emil to go to the boat and leave without him, if he doesn’t make it.
NS wakes Clara who tries to stick to the story about Vicek. Stephan breaks into the house amid gunfire. Vicek sends NS and Clara out to the firing squad. At the boat, Emil and IK are worried. IK tells Emil to leave; he’ll go back and rescue NS. Emil says they’re all in it together. He gathers his gypsies. To IK: “Are you coming?” IK: “So be it. We all swim in the soup together.”
The half gypsy lures Vicek (?) out in search of Emil. He tells what’s happened to the others. NS and Clara face the firing squad. Clara: “Napoleon? I’m sorry.” NS: “Not half as sorry as I am.” The soldiers fire and Clara collapses in tears, but NS is unhurt. It turns out it was only a trick. The Sargent demands they tell him the location of Emil. NS: “Well, I’ll tell you. It was right on the tip of my tongue, but that big bang scared it right out of me.”
Major Vicek arrives with a truck load of soldiers demanding the prisoners. NS and Clara are chained together at the wrist and transferred to Vicek’s (and IK’s) custody. The truck drives off. Colonel Morisco shows up and they realize they’ve been tricked. The soldiers set off in hot pursuit of our heroes.
NS sets a fire trap and they hide in the trees. The soldiers chase them. IK jumps out of a tree on Colonel Moresco. The gypsies prevail. IK and Emil show up with the soldiers’ pants. NS: “Major? Your army’s been exposed.” Stephan meets them at the boat and Clara, still chained to NS cradles Stephan in her lap. The gypsies keep Major Vicek to use as a hostage in getting across the border. Our heroes board the boat.
IK: “Ah, love, love, the danger it leads men into.” NS: “Yes, I have noticed that.” IK: “We’ll break the chain when we get to Italy.” NS (melanchyoly): “There’s no rush. It’s really not holding anything together.”
The fishing boat chugs away.